One page was entirely about Sacagawea.  I’m guessing his teacher will know his Mom helped vs his Dad when she reads the answer to “Why was Sacagawea is one of the most famous women in American history?”  Answer – “she was the first strong woman to shape American history.”  He did come up with the fact that she was brave all on his own, so I didn’t think the last one was too much of a stretch.

One page was all opinions, surprisingly more difficult for a 4th grader than just regurgitating facts.  My favorite answer of ChickenFried’s: What was the most amazing thing about the expedition.  His answer: That they did it without dying.   Yep, pretty amazing that they survived their expedition, just like ChickenFried and I did!

My whining limit — zero. 

My humidity limit — step outside right now. 

The kids making messes limit and not picking up — please do not come to our house today.

The house falling apart limit: 

Let’s start with last weekend.  Our drinking water faucet at the sink started dripping, then leaking profusely – all within about 20 minutes.  So poor BigD went back to CB, from whence we had just came, to get a replacement.  It was not an easy replacement.  It kept falling apart when we would try to put it together.  But, we finally got it together (after a few swear words and one bruised toe from a crescent wrench hitting it.)  Later that night, after dinner and starting the dishwasher, ChickenFried went down to put the dogs in (see the humidity comment above) and started yelling there was a leak.  Leak?  Try waterfall.  I opened the cabinet under the sink and the dishwasher hose was flying around shooting out water like something out of a comedy routine.  We got things dried up as best we could, but our nice laminate floor is now permanent warped.

Now, this weekend.  Punk stepped on the back of one of our living room chairs and ripped part of it off.  Yes the chair is old, but it works just fine and I’m not into replacing things that work just fine.  Then onto the 2nd load of laundry and an incessant beeping error.  Oh goody - we get to pull the machine out and clean the drain line.  But if that doesn’t work, we get to call a repair man and give him as much money as he asks for.  After discovering the washing machine issue, I need a drink.  No – not alcohol, yet.  Just water.  I use the brand new faucet …. and it falls apart.  We’ll be sure to check the dish washer hose before starting it tonight.

There was a dramatic pause and ChickenFried gave BigD a really confused look …. kind of like ‘you did not just say what I think you said?’

I clarified that BigD meant Millie and not Grandma By the way, BigD did agree that’s what he meant!

Punk volunteered to vacuum.  She discovered it’s easier to vacuum the kitchen floor while sitting.  Apparently being closer to the object, lets you see what you need to vacuum a lot easier.

Punk has dance practice and tonight is special because they are going through their whole routine on the stage.  This is a big deal.  She’s all snazzed up in her cute purple fairy dance outfit.  But before we go, she needs dinner.  She wants spaghettios.  I hesitate, because as I mentioned, she is in her cute purple fair dance outfit.  I acquiesce and wrap a large dish towel around her to protect the outfit.  She asks if she can sit at the counter in the tall chair and watch cartoons.  Since ChickenFried is at baseball, I again acquiesce realizing she doesn’t get the tv all to herself very often.   Then, while I’m picking up laundry amazingly still on the floor from this am, I hear the crash.  I don’t need to hear the scream to know it’s bad …. I’m already moving to the kitchen.

First I hold her.  Then check her face, and I see some blood coming from her mouth.  Since one our friend’s children recently knocked out her two front teeth, I am thinking the worst.  I inspect everything and determine teeth are firmly in place, but she has a nice gash to the top lip and on her top gum from the counter edge, and a pretty good knock to the cheek.   She will live, but not be very happy about it.  So I make a decision to not sugar coat it.

“Mommy – it’s bleeding.   Baaaaad.”

“Yes honey – it is.  You split your lip and cut your gum.”

“It hurts Mommy.   Baaaaaaaad.”

“Yes honey – it’s going to.  You split your lip and cut your gum.”

“Am I going to have a fat lip.”

“Yes, you already do.  And you’re going to probably have a bruise on your cheek, and your mouth is probably going to hurt.”

“Ok.  (pause)   Can we go to dance practice now?”

“Yes.  But first tell me if you are ever going to tip your chair again.”

“No.  Can we go now?”

I am happy to report there was no spilling of the Spaghettios, or blood, on the cute purple fairy outfit.  She went to practice like a trooper.  She lived through the blood, fat lip, sore cheek and gum, and hopefully will never tip her chair again.

As I sit looking at the devastated wasteland that is our kitchen table and chairs, I wonder how they can be full with so much food on the lovely new chair cushions.  At what age do kids start realizing, “hmm ….. I dropped food.  Perhaps I should pick it up and put it back on my plate.”  VS…. ”I’m now going to throw as much food at my mouth as fast as possible to see how much can go in and whatever falls I will sit in and smoosh until it is completely unrecognizable.”   Someone needs to develop a chair cushion device that dispenses a new cushion top, just like the paper things at the doctors office.  With that, my life just may be complete.