Meme Fun

“Not Me” Monday

Posted on September 28, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments | Tags: , , |

mckmama at the mycharmingkids.net blog started something fun a while ago, and I’m just now finding it????  As ChickenFried would say, “what the?”

As mckmama tells it: Are you feeling guilty for drying the dishes with your shirt?  Hope no one saw you when you ran into the mailbox in your jammies?  Overcome with embarrassment after your child asked the grocery store clerk, who did NOT have a baby in her tummy “if she had a baby in her tummy?”  Well don’t be!  Not Me! Monday was born out of the desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I’d rather forget.  You may find it therapeutic to do the same thing!

So here I go.

I did not complain about it being Monday again.  Why in the world would I ever do that.  Mondays are wonderful.  They are the best day of the week.  They set the tone.

I did not mouth “quit fixing your hair and drive” to the blonde girl in front of me at the only-green-so-long turn arrow.  She did not catch me mouthing something.  I did not then try to make it seem like I was talking on my blue tooth …. which I really do not have (really). 

I am not the mother who ‘lamed out’ on dinner and only made chicken chunks and fries.  Nope – not me.  Not ever. 

I did not make fun of BigD after he said “Wizard of Oz is on.  It’s the original too — it’s in black and white.”  I did not then look at him and say “you can’t be serious.”  I did not follow with a blog post about this. 

I am not not going to find an excuse to not workout tonight.  Wait — what the?

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Queen’s Tuesday Meme – Sheer Poetry

Posted on September 22, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun |

Here is my Tuesday challenge from Mimi……

This week the questions are sheer poetry. Nonsensical. Cerebral. Challenging. The answers should be too.
I have given you seven familiar limericks. Your job is to change them by filling in the blanks.  

1.There was an Old Man of …….Great Age,
Who lived upon …….minimum wage;
When that did not ….. cut it,
He took ….. a work permit,
That nasty Old Man of …….. the cage.

2. There was a Young Lady whose ….. shoes,
Were unique as to color and …. blues
When she opened them …… slowly,
People all turned ……. wholly
And started away in …..twos

 

3. There was a Young Lady of ….. repute
Who casually sat on a  ……..lute

When the door squeezed her….. jump suit

She exclaimed, ‘….. dried fruit?’
This courageous Young Lady of …repute

 

4.There was an Old Man with a ….bottle
Who bumped at it with a …….throttle

But they called out,…… ‘stop!
You’re a horrid old ……sop!’
So they smashed that Old Man with a…. top.

5. There was a Young Lady whose….. roast,
Came untied when the birds ate ……most

But she said: ‘I don’t …..care!
All the birds in the ….air

Are welcome to sit on my ……coast!’

 

6. There was an Old Man of …..merlot,
Who never knew what he should…… grow
So he tore off his ……tie
And behaved like a ….guy

That intrinsic Old Man of …..cointreau

 

There was an Old Man of …..Pembrook
Who had the most curious…… book
For while he was …..reader,
He slept on a …..cedar,
That funny Old Man of Pembrook.

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The Queen’s Meme – Tick Tock

Posted on September 15, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments |

1. Are you a Rolex watch, a Mickey Mouse watch, or a pocket watch?

I don’t wear a watch.  It hits on the table when I’m typing which I find quite irritating.  There’s always a clock around, and if there’s not I have my phone.  Or – God forbid – I ask someone what time it is! 
 
 


2. Can you think of a time when you couldn’t see the forest for the trees?

Everyday when I was a teenager!

3. Can you think of a time when you were on the outside looking in? 

What did you see?

My kiddo had a playdate over this weekend.  I saw him in a different way when he was with his friend.

4. Go back in time. Maybe a long time ago, maybe today. Pick an hour you’d like to freeze frame forever and tell us why. It doesn’t have to be THE most important hour of your life, but make it a good one.

7:30 am, May 18, 2002.  After being in labor for OVER 24 hours, the little … um big…bugger finally came out to see what was going on.  It was my first hour as a Mom.  I got to eat food (after not having eaten for OVER 24 hours.  Good times.

5. If you were a cuckoo clock, what would others say about you?

Can someone shut her up?

6. Can you think of a time when time stood still?

Well – why is it that every miserable moment in life seems to take forever to get through, but the good stuff goes fast?

7. Watch this! You are a stopwatch. What would you stop?

Hmmm — maybe the terrorists getting on the planes?

8. Imagine you were just born and have infinite wisdom. After the doctor smacks your newborn dust ruffle you look around and say to the Universe: “Give me a whole lifetime to do “this” and I will bless the day I was born.”
What did you choose?

Just one thing?  That would be boring.  Life needs variety.

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Saturday 9 – You Like Me Too Much

Posted on September 12, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments | Tags: , |

1. If everyone liked each other, what would we complain about?

How frackin nice everyone is.

2. If you were most powerful person in the world, how would you use that power?

I’d start by making my kid stop asking me when his friend is going to get here.

3. If had exactly one year to live, what are the three things you’d want to do before you died?

Travel, Travel, and um, Travel

4. If you could change one thing about the world, what would that one thing be?

People would take more personal responsibility – no blaming, no whining.  Sorry you had a bad childhood but that doesn’t give you the right to go kill someone.

5. If you could take one thing back, what would that one thing be?

I said something really mean to a friend in high school.  I know – everyone says mean things in high school … but this was uncalled for.  That’s really the only thing that ‘hangs with me’ possibly because she died a year later.

6. If you were stuck on an island forever but had all the water, food and shelter you needed. What would be the three other things you’d bring with you?

Well, there’s four in our family so you do the math.



7. If the internet didn’t exist, would the quality of life go up or down?

I don’t know how I ever did a term paper without the internet.  It’s true, kids these days have it so easy.

8. If a million dollars fell off a back of a truck, would you keep it?

I’d have to reason that anyone who put a million bucks on the back of a truck wanted to lose it.

9. What is something you said, something you stole, something you did wrong?

said – apparently I use the word “actually” a lot.

stole and wrong – ok, this one is funny, but wrong.  In college I lived in a suite.  Every Sunday night the suitemates would make dinner so you would take turns.  My roommate and I didn’t plan well so we didn’t have a lot of money when it was our turn to make dinner.  So, we went to the local grocery store and stuck a package of hotdogs inside my jacket.  As we were walking out, the package fell out.  I looked at her and said “I dropped the weenies.”  We grabbed the package and ran out.  Yes – we were laughing.  Yes – it was wrong.  And yes – I hope my kids never do that.

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Saturday 9 — Thunking on a Saturday

Posted on September 5, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments |

1. You are walking down a rainy road. There is a five hundred dollar bill on the road. You look around and except for someone a half block away, you are alone. You naturally pick up the bill and put it away. That person approaching stops and says, “I saw you pick up that money. It’s mine.” You ask how much it was. She yells, “Are you calling me a liar?” What do you do?

Laugh –  “no, just stupid for thinking you could try that with me.”

2. If I were to inspect your guest bathroom, how would I find it?

Turn right into the bedroom, and then left.

3. You are given a state of the art bow and arrow. Who or what is your first target (after a lesson or two)?

Cupid.

4. The doorbell rings. The person at the door is wearing a raincoat and you know them. They flash you and are completely naked. Other than your S/O, who would you think would it would be and would guess you’d find that funny? Why do you guess that person and would you laugh or be pissed off?

I don’t know anyone brave enough (even drunk) to do this.  If someone did, I think I’d lmao.

5. What do you call a male Ladybug?

Confused.

6. Your friends throw you a party. They’ve got a big national music star to come and perform. It is someone you detest. Do you make believe you like the songs or do you fess up and get the star out of the party?

Oh Taylor Swift – If only you could sing as well as your label makes you sound.    I think I’d kindly tell her to rest her voice and enjoy herself.

7. What’s your favorite breed of wild, mean attack dogs?

We have a pack of coyotes that live about 1/2 mile away.  You can hear them at night.  It is a little creepy.

8. If I called your high school guidance counselor, what would they say about you?

My high school had all of 80 people and no guidance counselor.  My teachers would say (um, ok — did), she’s smart – if only she’d apply herself.

9. Car A is moving at 63 miles an hour. 4 people are in the Car A. Car B is moving at 22 miles an hour. There is a driver and passenger who just came from a hotel while cheating on their spouses in Car B. They will crash into each other in exactly 3.5 minutes. What are your fun plans for this Labor day Weekend while these six people meet a brutal and gruesome death??

Fun?? — BigD has me helping rescape the hill and yard.   Although watching the kids get completely filthy was amusing.

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Saturday 9 – I Ran

Posted on August 22, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun | Tags: , |

1. When’s the last time you ran?

Today – I ended up being the coach of ChickenFried’s soccer team and this am was our first practice.  I ended up more sweaty than the kids.

2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?

No – not since the 80’s.

 

3. What are you dreading right now?

Paying our property taxes.  They jacked it up on us.  I’m sure they have a “target” number to hit and spread it out where they can so we got part of the love.

4. Do you like Mexican food?

I like ‘fake’ Mexican food — the kind that is based loosely on Mexican, but then adds a lot of cheese.

5. Favorite ice cream?

Ice cream.

6. When was your last doctor’s visit?

? No clue.

7. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?

Amazingly, I did last night. 

8. How many pets do you have?

Two – a dog and a cat.  I don’t count the fish in the kids room.  If you can’t pet it, it’s not a pet.

9. “First Loves Are Never Over;” is this true for you?

No.  As I look back, mine were pretty stupid.

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It’s Tuesday, and Time for a Meme from MIMI

Posted on August 18, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun | Tags: , , |

Here is my Tuesday challenge from Mimi: 

Take a look at these profile headlines from real dating sites. Imagine you are trying to find a date and these gems have just landed in your inbox. How would you respond to them? Write a comeback response to each one. Be sarcastic, be funny, be brave! Spelling errors not my own. Names and locations have been changed to protect the terminally single. If you need inspiration, go HERE for hundreds of funny examples.
You know you wanna play!

In honor of my 500th “Bachelor of The Day” to post this week on my site called Dating Profile Of The Day we bring you The Dating Meme. For three years I’ve been rummaging through online dating profiles to find the zaniest and most ridiculous profile headlines out there. They write ’em. I spoof ’em. Do you know that some folks are grammatically insane?? And some are just insane.

1.  Birdbrain looking for a mate

Reply:  look elsewhere

 

2.  Where are all the Bad Girls?

Reply: 1-900 …..

 

3.  A Good Woman is Hard to Fine

Reply: Be a better man

 

4.  Does God know you escaped from heaven

Reply: He sent me

 

5.  I put the FUN in dysFUNctional

Reply: I put the FUN in antiFUNgal

 

6.  Does this profile make me look fat?

Reply:  No, it just makes you look stupid.

 

7.  I’m a no nonsince person with little tolorrance for stupitity

Reply: How do you live with yourself

 

All I have to say after all this is thank God I’m happily married.

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The Queen’s Meme — The Woodstock Meme

Posted on August 11, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun | Tags: , |

awoodstock

These are my instructions to play along.  I’ve filled in the blanks with my answers in italics…..and in case you’re wondering where I came up with this crap, it’s all tied to who performed at Woodstock that fateful weekend.

Forty years ago this week, three days of peace, love and rock ‘n roll (and mud) happened near Bethel, New York.  It was the Summer of 1969.  Attire: Hippie jeans.  Long hair.  Legal or illegal smoke.  Psychedelic vibe. 

The scene:  You are at Woodstock.  You go alone but meet up with a beautiful man/woman.  You spend three days together.  Put yourself inside the peace & love vibe.  You can choose to be stoned or straight.  I put it in the story for the sake of reality.  Just don’t inhale in this meme.

This is the conversation you have upon meeting or you can make it into what you overhear others say.  It makes no sense and has no continuity by design.  You must fill in the familiar blanks to finish the story.  Some are song lyrics.  You may use more than one word to fill in the blanks. 

Oh! I forgot to tell you (must be the smoke in here)   You have a new name.  It must a combination of the first letter of your first name, the third letter of your middle name and the last letter of your last name.

Peace out! Somebody might wanna turn on a fan in here.

1. “Hello, my groovy name is Janis Joplin (why not??  maybe Bobby McGee was there too)!    By the looks of those flowers in your hair, you must be The Grateful Dead.   Didn’t they tell you?  No Canned Heat allowed!  

2. Come on, Baby, light my Iron Butterfly.  When I lay me down to Crosby, Stills and Nash, I pray the The Band my Incredible String Band to keep.  If I Sha-Na-Na before I wake, I pray the The Grateful Dead my The Fish to take. **puff puff**

3. Because the first time ever I saw your Sweetwater I realized that what the world needs now is blood, sweat and sweet tears.  Besides, I always feel guilty watching you Shankar when I should be Santana.  But I dig it!

4. Have I told you lately that I Sly you?  Hey!  Don’t step on that Creedance Clearwater Revival !!  Dude.       That guy is really weird but…..

5. There’s a party in my sleeping bag and half a million of my Keef Hartley Band friends are coming over tonight and we’re gonna Hendrix my baby off my mind.  Darn the luck.  It’s raining Quills(s) and Mountain(s).  Luckily, Papa was a rolling Jefferson Airplane and I’m on a first name basis with the cops. **puff puff** 

6. I’m really digging your Melanie but that Sommer has got to go.   Those flowers in your hair are beginning to smell like Winter.  Have I told you lately that I Butterfield you? ** puff puff**

7. I’m beginning to see Jefferson Airplane in those trees over there. Do you see it? Out of all the millions of hippies here, you are the most Ravi. But I dig it, man. **puff puff**

8. I’d use all my blood, sweat and The Family Stone (Tears was too easy) just to get next to your Joe Cocker.  Love is free but I’d really like to buy that guy’s String. It says “Make The Who not Sha-Na-Na. ”  Far out!

9. I’m grateful to be John Sebastian ’cause there’s a bad Sweetwater rising in Jefferson’s Airplane.  But that’s okay, ’cause Joe Cocker said I could get by with a little Canned Heat from my friends.

10. Oh, by the way, your McDonald is on fire. But I dig it. **

You might stay out of the dungeon if you post a picture of yourself or someone you know in your hippie clothes (if you’re old enough)**

And, the pdr (my Mom is sweating right now — rest assured Mom.  I’m too tired to go dig an old pic of you out!!!).  Here is little Punk in her Halloween costume – she was a hippie chick … courtesy of who else but my Mom!!!

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Saturday 9 – Rain

Posted on August 1, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments |

  1. What do you typically like to do on a rainy day?

Snuggle up in front of the fireplace and read a book.  Maybe a little Instant Karma going in the background.

2. Tell us about the last time you did something you later regretted, that you can share with us.

I wish I wouldn’t have started doing a blog and meme’s because now I’m hooked.

 

3. I recently got an email from a lover from a very long time ago. I was asked “Have all your dreams come true?” If it were you and it was from someone you remember fondly, how would you answer the question?

Life is good.

4. If you had a job interview and was asked, “If you were an animal, what kind would you be (other than human?)” How would you answer that question.

I don’t think I could work for someone who asked me that kind of question.   Thank god no one has ever thrown that at me in an interview.

5. Do you think it is a good idea to share with a new lover stories of your past lovers?

Probably depends a lot on the people involved and the story, but it usually doesn’t go well.

6. When do you think it is permissible or even important to lie?

I do tend to be one of those blatantly honest people, but have fibbed on occasion so as not to hurt someone’s feelings if I thought they couldn’t take it.

7. What was the last thing you did that you never thought you would?

Have kids!!!  Seriously.  I was a person who was ok with or without.  Now of course I could never live with out my kiddos.

8. What is one important lesson that you learned from your mother?

Let it go.

9. What is one important lesson that you learned from your father?

The older you get, the faster time goes.

 

Sorry — I’m being boring today with my answers.  I’ll try and do better next time.

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New Meme Fun From Mimi

Posted on July 28, 2009. Filed under: Meme Fun, Mommy Moments |

I was asked to play along in another meme, presumably because I’m so witty and fun.  But, I forgot last week, so I’m probably in the dungeon.  I’m going to pretend I’m not and play anyway.  That’s kind of how life works, right?

This meme is brought to you from Mimi at The Queen’s Meme.   You can tell how fun this is going to be already.  Check out her site and play along.

The Queen’s Meme No. 3 is called the Culinary Meme. Contrary to popular belief, the Queen has been known to accidentally cook something edible. Although I’ve given the gift of food poisoning to a boyfriend or two in the past, I actually made the food you see here. Don’t ask me how because I could never do it again. I made up the recipe and lived to tell it. I’ll bet there are some good cooks out in the blogosphere. Show us your saucy side. Flip a hot burger and smooch on a mushroom. Strap on a sweet little apron with 3-inch heels (please don’t do this guys) and pre-heat to perfection. I’m getting hungry now. How ’bout you? I can’t wait to read your savory concoctions.
Dinner is at eight.


The Cooking Meme (What Is The Meaning of Thyme and Other Deep Questions)

1. If you could put thyme in a bottle, what is the first thing that you’d like to do?

I have a bottle of Thyme.  I haven’t used it in five years.  Perhaps I should just throw it away?

 
2. Do eggs really crack or do they merely have a nervous breakdown?

I think that thoroughly depends on who is holding them. 

egg cartoons, egg cartoon, egg picture, egg pictures, egg image, egg images, egg illustration, egg illustrations

3. Why are you whipping the butter? What did it ever do to you?

Have you seen my thighs lately?
4. Do your spoons spoon in the drawer? Have you ever noticed? And more importantly, if wooden spoons spoon do they get splinters?

 Yes, but according to Martha Stewart they should not spoon in the dishwasher or yucky things will be stuck between them.   Hmmmm, sounds familiar.

 

5. You hear: “Dumpling, my Dumpling, come hither.” The candles are lit, the fondue is dipping, the Godiva is pouring, the scallions are steaming and the music is playing…..but wait, the windows are open.
Why did you close them?

 Dumpling … is that a reference to my thighs again.  Not only are the windows now closed, so is the door.

 

6. Do you need a recipe to cook or are you a bohemian chef? Show us your reckless and wild side in the kitchen. Don’t have one? Here’s a recipe I made just for you: You will need a spatula, a whisk, a gallon of Chardonnay, a banana and a rump roast. What is the name of your dish?

I need Scwans to cook.  Really, it’s the factor of time.  I don’t have enough to actually cook something from scratch.    I’m glad you do.  gulp gulp gulp.  Are you sppsued to cook rumplroast?  gulp gulp gulp gulp.  Ths s sme good vino.  gulp gulp gulp gulp.  Who’s cookin?  What was the question?

 

7. After dinner, the dishes are so dirty that the dishwasher refuses to wash them.
What did they say to get in hot water?

 They got caught spooning with the forks.

 

 

8. Is your pot black?

Black is the new black. 

 

9. What is the sexiest spice or condiment in your cabinet? What makes it so?

The Clabber Girl.  She offers double acting backing soda.

 

10. How much crock is really in your crock pot?

Need you ask?

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